Calculated Gloom

Getting out of bed this morning produced sound effects not unlike velcro, I wanted so much to stay in it. After getting up and glancing out the window, I actually did crawl back in, effectively choosing sleep over breakfast this wet Monday. Yep, so bad it's a cliche of bad- a wet Monday; rainy but cold. New York umbrellas (a whole different species of umbrella) were out this morning and people were not afraid to knock each other around with them.

As you can tell, I was feeling low, but I made it to work and figured I was just tired until I stepped into the elevator. The fancypants elevator at my workplace has a little screen which flashes various (random) headlines, usually pertaining to the odd celebrity tidbit, but today it had another announcement: today is the Gloomiest Day of 2006, as determined by "scientists" based on a calculation having to do with weather, debt, days after Christmas, and some other factors. Who exactly are these scientists that woke up this morning and said "yes! This is it!" Those are the people I'm going to worry about the rest of today.

So this may seem far-fetched but apparently this news does NOT only exist in my elevator: there is an article on a website called Scotsman.com titled "It's 23 January... have a bad day." Long excerpt from said article below:

But, wait for it, the worst is yet to come, and it falls today: not a blizzard, a financial crash or even a rogue asteroid, but the dire convergence of all our seasonal woes, the most depressing day of 2006, as identified by psychologist Dr Cliff Arnall of Cardiff University's Centre for Lifelong Learning, an expert in seasonal disorders and a man who likes his formulae.

Last year Arnall created a formula enabling those rash enough to do so to calculate their life expectancy (involving factors such as genetic inheritance, optimism, nutrition, and relationships). We don't know what percentage of the population decided not to bother getting up this morning as a result, but expect a rash of absenteeism today, as another formula he has made up identifies it as the most miserable day of the year (last year he similarly predicted 24 January as Day of Gloom).

Taking into account factors such as foul weather, Christmas debts, the lingering effects of seasonal overindulgence, failed New Year's resolutions and generally reduced motivation, Arnall's worst day "formula" is ([W + (D-d)] x TQ) ÷ (M x NA). (W: weather, D: debt, d: money due in January pay, T: time elapsed since Christmas, Q: time since failed New Year's resolutions to quit smoking, drinking etc, M: general motivational levels, NA: the need to take action.)